a-krogan-skald-and-bearsark:

aqueerkettleofish:

mod2amaryllis:

lasrina:

bundibird:

atreefullofstars:

thewrittenpost:

flouryhedgehog:

angelwing430:

I have to laugh at the folks in the notes claiming this is fake because “no 2-yr old is that advanced”. My guys, I work at a daycare almost exclusively with 2-3 year olds and let me tell you some of the wild shit I heard this last week alone,

“Uhhh, i ASSUME we’re going to the playground soon??” -2.5 year old girl

“[3 year old boy] pushed me because he doesn’t have a manners.” -2 yr old girl

“Did you spill your water?” “No no no no it’s not a concern” -2 yr old boy (while running away, dripping wet)

Kids are hilarious and smarter than you think

nicehatgeorgia:

I don’t think I even told you guys about the six months he spent saying “fuck” instead of “truck.”

nicehatgeorgia:

Came up to me the other day, the middle of his pants totally soaked, and said “mama, I’m having a situation called ‘I peed in my pants.’”

nicehatgeorgia:

Upon being served 1% milk for the first time, instead of his regular 2%: “is this water?”

Me: “no, it’s milk”

Kid: “but are you sure?”

nicehatgeorgia:

Today we were walking along and he asked me “How many Octobers is it today?” I told him it was the 21st. 

He tried a bite of his hot soup at dinner and made a face and said “Mama, my soup is a little too temperature for me.”

nicehatgeorgia:

The two year-old is now a solid two and a half. Just now, he was sitting on the couch playing with his pretend flip phone and he frowned and said “for gods sake. My battery is empty.”

The other day at breakfast I asked him if he was going to eat any more of his oatmeal and he said “no, I think I’m just gonna move on with my life.”

If you don’t have a lot of interactions with young children:

• Kids are smarter than you think
• Six months makes a really big difference when that is 1/5 of the total time you’ve been alive

All this, and also, they can tell you lots about their favorite things. My 2 year old nephew can tell you all about Star Wars (the 8 movies he’s seen at least) and loves going out of his way to bring up how Anakin was good and bad and good again when he died. Trust me, little kids learn and mimic and reenact all the things they get attached to.
Also, he named his first fish Jengo Fett, and all following fish Boba Fett, so juries still out on how much he understands clones.

Kids pick up the language that’s used around and to them. Mannerisms too. They are tiny, efficient mimics and it will come out at the WEIRDEST times. Young kids will ABSOLUTELY say all the stuff listed here.

My cousin was somewhere between two and three, and I’d just arrived at her house, and she’s animatedly telling me a story of some kind, and I listen as I make my way through the house, get to the couch, and kick my shoes off. She stops dead in the middle of her sentence, puts her hands on her hips, levels me with a glare the likes of which I haven’t seen since, and goes, “WHAT are they doing there? Do you think the box at the front door is for DECORATION?”

Her mum, standing in the kitchen and watching all this, was GOBSMACKED. Apparently she said that exact phrase more often than she realised, and her kid had picked it up verbatim and started using it on unsuspecting guests (me).

(I got up and put my shoes in the box at the front door immediately)

My family’s lore includes the time my mother offhandedly said to Cousin’s son–who was maybe five–that Cousin’s wife certainly did have strong opinions about some minor thing, and the kid let out a sigh and said, in the driest and flattest and most world-weary tone you’ve ever heard, “Tell me about it.”

once i was helping with a class of 3 year olds and during drawing time one girl asked for a lion, specifically a lioness. i drew it and she just looked in silence so thinking she wanted a more liony lion i was like “do you want me to draw a boy lion next?” and she gives me this 🤨ass affronted look and says “umm she doesn’t NEED a man.”

Kids will do three things reliably:

1. Repeat what they’ve heard, incorrectly and/or in the wrong context, to comic effect
2. Repeat what they’ve heard in exactly the correct context, which is somehow even funnier
3. Casually knock you on your ass with some offhand, but utterly profound, original statement

My five years old Niece has started going “Too bad, so sad.” And when called on it not being very nice goes “That’s what Mama always says.”

manstrans:

charlottan:

polishbarnowl:

charlottan:

oh this is evil

What is that?

discord is adding parental surveillance. as nerdskii’s tags pointed out its a ridiculous measure that doesnt help anyone because apps like Signal exist for actual illegal/sketchy activity and this just hurts lgbt teens looking for somewhere to be themselves and have resources especially with conservative parents

I use android. this is my secure folder, which was built into my phone. it has a customize option, so I’ve made it look like some bland fitness app. when you open it, it asks you to enter a password or unlock it in any other way you’ve set it to unlock before it lets you in

inside of this folder is like a 2nd phone almost, I can hide apps in here or have different accounts on apps I’ve already installed. I have a separate discord and tumblr inside of my secure folder (which I moved this blog to recently)

there are similar third party apps, usually disguised as a calculator that you set a certain number or calculation as the password to unlock. that’s a lot more inconspicuous if opened, but also more well known, and parents might be looking out for any suspicious calculator apps

also, be careful what 3rd party apps you download, especially when it’s concerning things like your accounts and data! make sure you’re downloading something safe and secure

this isn’t foolproof, depending on how far your parents are going to track you. if they’ve installed anything or had you install anything on your phone or computer, or had the chance while you weren’t there, be careful for spyware. some apps report how long you look at each app, or can record sound from your phone on demand

also important: a good VPN can secure what you’re looking at from the router, which parents may be able to access information from, but this also isn’t guaranteed to work if the parental controls are set to block VPNs

another one, if your parents are tracking your location but not your app usage: download a GPS spoofer. you don’t necessarily need to root your phone for this, as long as it’s supported in developer settings. a lot of them are branded as tools for pokemon go, which can be helpful for plausible deniability

parents reading this: these are things I’ve learned from constantly having my shit taken and looked through as a teen. you aren’t protecting your kids, you’re ruining any chance of them trusting you with anything. if something goes wrong, you’re going to be the last person they tell, because someone who goes to these lengths to see any little thing isn’t going to be chill when something actually bad happens if this is how you act when literally nothing is happening

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oneheadtoanother:

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moringmark:

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everythingfox:

Me

(Source: instagram.com, via lostsometime)

chxrchgay:

in hysterics

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foxincrocs-classic:

dogsagainstbenitojuarez:

bulbasars2:

gearboxpraexology:

kawaii-pigeon:

blurrymango:

theinformationcollector:

TIL Dr. Sigmund Freud was addicted to smoking and failed to quit for good throughout a 45 years long battle that included 33 operations for cancer of the jaw, an artificial jaw replacement, and attacks of “tobacco angina” exacerbated by nicotine . He was known to smoke up to twenty cigars a day.

via reddit.com

Jesus ffucking christ bro.

Seems like he had an oral fixation… Almost as if he were replacing the cigarette with… No i shant say…

Then we’ll all say it together

F

U

N

K

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themakeupbrush:

Fan Bingbing for L'Officiel India

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